Till Now, I Always Got By On My Own

Being single was something that I never really minded too much. It was an issue that I thought would always fix its self. I actually never really looked at it as an issue, until I came to college. I see everyone in and out of all these relationships, and they always look happy. And then there is me, the eternal third wheel, who couples pretend they are not dating when around so as not to exclude me. I normally don’t mind being this third wheel, I mean hey it’s better than being alone.

Me appearing as Man in Chair in the 2011 Sachem East Drama Club Production of The Drowsy Chaperone

I think my main issue is that I have a hard time meeting and making friends. Well, harder than one would expect. I come off as this really outgoing and personable person, but I have extreme difficulty getting to know people and wanting to make friends. I seem to have a much easier time bonding with children, and adults. Like I can much easier strike up a conversation with a group of adults, or a child, then I do people my own age. I honestly don’t know why this is, its such an issue to my life.

This is the time in my life where I am supposed to meet the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with, but as far as it’s going, it’s going no where. I know its only freshman year, but I can tell where this is all going. I am not the type of person to go out to the frats or meet people, by randomly grinding up on them and hooking up with them. I mean that is some peoples way of doing it, and I am not against it at all, it is just not my thing.

I am not a typical man, I’m not into sports, I’m not into macho man type things, and both are things that the average girl finds attractive. I am not a “lax bro” or a “frat dude”, I am in fact a “theatre kid” and a “music geek”. Both do not lead to massive amounts of girls at my door. Well, correction, they do lead to lots of girl friends, but not girlfriends. This poses a major issue for me. It doesn’t really annoy me if people call me gay, or assume I am gay, I mean hey it comes with the hobbies. What does annoy me though, is when people assume I am lying or tell me I am wrong when I correct them. I was raised in an arts and creative environment that was femmine in nature, and it shaped who I am today. It undoubtedly had an influence on who I shaped into today, but that does not mean I am a homosexual.

The summation of this entire thing would be this, I am tired of being single. I am tired of being lonely. I crave to have that one person I can truly depend on, trust, and have care for me just as much as I care for them. I dont want a relationship, commitment, and happiness.

I leave you with a quotation from Eric Fromm:

To love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person.

P.S. Below is the video that inspired the title of the post. (I know its not the original artist, but this cover made me fall in love with the song. Its Kate Shindle (from Broadway’s Legally Blonde the Musical and Wonderland the Musical and she was Miss America) singing the song Alone by Heart.

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