Normally I would be particularly excited about my birthday. Like jumping for joy, with an overzealous happiness. But this year it is a little different. It is the first year I will not be home for my birthday. This means I will not be with my family for the day. Most people would not have as much of an issue with this as I do. This is for two reasons.
One is that my little sisters birthday is just two days after mine. She’s turning 12 and is growing so fast. She is quickly growing into a teenager and is maturing into a full grown actual person. It’s a shame because these years of her life are so crucial to her and help to form the type of person she will be for the rest of her life, and I won’t be there for them. I want her to have a brother, who is able to help her through issues that she has as she grows up. Someone who has been through the same issues, and has grown up in the same type of world as she is. My brother is far too much older than she is, 22 years to be exact, and he is a fully grown adult that has too many adult concerns to mind for my sister. I don’t want her to make the same life mistakes that I did, although I know mistakes are what make you grow up. I want to be there to watch her grow up and go out with friends, and I want to still be able to hold her while she cry’s after a hard day at school. It saddens me to know that the next time I will be able to celebrate her birthday with her, she will be turning 16 and starting to look into colleges, just like I did. I will miss so much of her life being in college.
The other reason that not being home bothers me so much is because my father celebrates his birthday on the same day as I do. He always calls me the best birthday gift he ever got. He works as a New York City Fire Fighter, specifically a Captain in Bedford-Stuyvesant, Queens. This is a particularly rough neighborhood in the New York City, all fire fighters want to work there because it is always busy; meaning there are a lot of fires and accidents and always calls to go on. I admire my father so much, he is an incredibly brave human being that is an absolutely selfless person. He is an amazing business man and an outstanding testament to good character. He wanted to be a fire fighter since he was about five years old. It was his dream career, and he accomplished it. He loves what he does, which is pretty rare in todays day. I strive to be like him in every way, even though I probably never will be. But he worries me so much, it is no secret that he is getting older in age. It should be near time for him to retire, but because I and my sister plan on attending college, he cannot retire for another eight years. I slowly see his job killing him. He is not as physically fit as he was when he started, over 20 years ago, and I know his lung capacity is diminishing severely from all the smoke or fumes he inhales. So I comprehend that my time with him is very precious and needs to be cherished. So not being home as much in these collegate years worries me, because any day he goes into work I could potentially lose him. I never really thought, until now how fleeting time is, and how important a birthday or going home on breaks could be.
I am sorry to all my readers for the sad post(s), I swear I am not depressed or anything. I just am using this blog as a sort of reflection thought process on life. I promise lighter and more whimsical posts in the future to help balance this out. But until then I leave you with this quote from Cassandra Claire’s novel The City of Ashes:
Growing up happens when you start having things you look back on and wish you could change -Clary Fray